1 00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:02,750 - Come on, come on, we're going to be late! Come on! - Come on, we're late! 2 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:07,320 Take it, take it, take the bread, take the bread, let's go, let's go! Come on, come on, into the car! 3 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:10,590 Come on! 4 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,590 Oh, God, come on! 5 00:00:15,380 --> 00:00:16,720 You stop it! 6 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,070 Give me. Stop it! 7 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:21,550 Don't do that to your brother! 8 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:22,670 Give me the Bop-it! 9 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:24,000 CHILL OUT! 10 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:31,990 You're late! So I'm going to be late. 11 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:33,340 Go and find your book bag. 12 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,750 Where's the baby's trousers and other shoe? 13 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,230 OK, one shoe's all I can manage, 14 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,160 and he said he doesn't like trousers. 15 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,630 So when am I going to meet this Debbie woman then? 16 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,950 OK, it's not Debbie, it's Debbie-Louise, 17 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,270 and she's not a woman, she's my partner. 18 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,630 What? She went from zero to partner in three weeks? 19 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:54,630 Didn't even have to climb the charts? 20 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,110 - What is she, Ed Sheeran? - OK, well, you don't need to meet her. 21 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,310 Course I do! She's moved in! 22 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:00,550 She's living in your home. 23 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,950 If my kids are going to be using the same bathroom as her, 24 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,190 then I want to meet her. 25 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,030 - She could be a nutter. - I don't go out with nutters. 26 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:08,910 What are you fucking talking about? 27 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,760 Of course you do! 28 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,760 - Hiya! - Hi! 29 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:20,440 Morning. 30 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,150 - You got time for a coffee? - No, sorry. 31 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:26,910 Couples counselling today. 32 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,430 Oh, OK. Good luck with that. 33 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:30,590 Oh, no, everything's fine. 34 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,230 It's just preventative. 35 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,310 We're rock solid, Jill and I. 36 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:35,840 Although she disagrees. 37 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:38,870 It's like physio or yoga. 38 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,220 We're just doing it to keep the marriage supple. 39 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,190 Oi, Gonzalez. 40 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:44,870 - You got time for a chat? - No, no, no. 41 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,920 I received an official bollocking for lateness yesterday. 42 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:49,760 Whoa! 43 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,840 Who's that? 44 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:53,990 Don't touch the door. 45 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,230 It's automatic open. 46 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,190 It opens on its own. Don't touch the door. 47 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,110 - Don't touch it! - Holy shit, it's Ann. - Why's she got all of those kids? 48 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:04,150 She's part of the car pool now, for school drops. 49 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,030 Car pool? Car... Why don't we have a car pool? 50 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:07,230 That would really help me! 51 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,790 I live right there! 52 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,590 If I spit now, I'd hit my window. 53 00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:12,910 I don't drive. My wife does the driving. 54 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,600 I'm sans licence. 55 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,550 Thought you were late. 56 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,630 Hey! Ann! 57 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,070 Nice big car! 58 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,670 Yeah, we traded in the old one for this flashy so-and-so. 59 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,150 It's a bit hi-tech now for me, 60 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:32,270 but I couldn't look at the Volvo the same after I ran over the cat. 61 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,590 But anyway, it means I get to run a car pool now, so... 62 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:38,910 Yeah. I'd love to talk to you about that sometime. 63 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,350 - Hello, Claire. - Bloody hell, Ann! 64 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,630 Nice wheels! 65 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,510 How many kids can you fit in there? 66 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,150 Safely? Nine. 67 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,430 So you might have room for a couple more in the car pool? 68 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:48,950 Yeah, well... 69 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,480 Oh, my God! You bought it! 70 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,950 You look like a drug dealer, Ann! 71 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,510 It's actually the top-rated people carrier on Which?, so... 72 00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:58,870 You're in my spot. 73 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:00,720 - Oh. - Joking, but you are. 74 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,030 We should definitely, definitely catch up soon. 75 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,670 - I'd love to hear more about the car pool. - I like your hair. 76 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,310 Heidi's desperate to see Darius. 77 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:10,950 Do you want to come over for a play date? 78 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,870 We've just got a family pass to Chessington. 79 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,280 Yeah, I can't talk and drive. 80 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,630 So we need to make a new... OK, that would be... 81 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:29,830 Amanda! 82 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,680 Amanda! Amanda! 83 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:36,960 Amanda! Amanda! 84 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,040 Don't think she saw me. Amanda! 85 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,360 Don't think she could hear me. 86 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,870 Love, if you're hungry, just go over and help yourself. 87 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,390 No one'll notice. 88 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,400 Just kick the ball by their rug and grab a handful of crisps. 89 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,830 Right, go. Off you go! Hiya. 90 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,470 Oh, you came. 91 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:03,590 Pull up a pew. 92 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:04,830 Or a jacket. 93 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,280 You can sit on my jacket. Oh, thanks. 94 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,720 - Bubbles? - Yeah. 95 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:14,440 Oh. 96 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,840 Hey, there's Ann. 97 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,910 So what's been going on? 98 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,080 Nothing much. 99 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,910 Apart from my ex, Lee, having a new partner. 100 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,990 Not girlfriend, partner. 101 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,120 Debbie-Louise, for fuck's sake. 102 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,600 Who double-barrels two stupid names? 103 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,360 Anyway, she's welcome to him. 104 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:41,550 All we'd do was fight, if I'm honest. 105 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:42,840 I stabbed him once. 106 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:47,150 Just with a spork from a Tesco pasta salad. 107 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,360 Just in the leg. 108 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,270 Police got involved. 109 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:52,920 I got a caution for sporking. 110 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,350 The wanker. 111 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,670 Wish I could just stay angry with him, but... 112 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,360 he looks at me with his stupid eyes and... 113 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,030 .. I'm 20 again. 114 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,230 And I don't have two kids, 115 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:08,680 and it's Saturday night... Oh! 116 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:11,120 Julia? 117 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:13,920 What the hell? 118 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,470 Sorry, babe. Do you want to go and get a coffee? 119 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,560 Yeah, all right. 120 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,070 We'd love to, Ann. 121 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:24,950 Great, I'll see you back at mine in 20. 122 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:25,990 Wicked! 123 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,190 Coffee's not too hot, is it? 124 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,710 No, no, no, it's perfect. 125 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,070 Ha! 126 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,110 - So true. - Yeah. 127 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,430 I made that. I made all of them. 128 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:47,780 I got terribly into driftwood crafting after my early menopause. 129 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,430 Oh, well, what you lost in the oestrogen 130 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,380 you definitely made up for in hobbies. 131 00:05:54,380 --> 00:05:55,050 Oh. 132 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,080 Oh, that's Claire again. 133 00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,390 Car pool business. 134 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,230 I'm terribly popular all of a sudden. 135 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:02,710 Annoying! 136 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,510 I don't know Claire at all, 137 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,830 but she's always struck me as a bit of a user. 138 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,710 That might be unfair, but I think it's true. 139 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,390 Turn your phone off. 140 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:11,480 Yeah. 141 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,390 Can I get you girls anything to eat? 142 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:18,230 - Got a hobnob? - I don't have any hobnobs but I can get you some. 143 00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:20,510 - I just meant a biscuit or... - I'll go to the corner shop! 144 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,110 No, no, you don't need to do that. 145 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,950 Oh, it's fine, it's just two doors down and one straight across. 146 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,680 I'll be two minutes, five minutes. I'll take the car. 147 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,990 Come on, you can get in on it, too. 148 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,200 I live fucking opposite the school. 149 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,400 I've got to get up, my arse is numb. 150 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,710 What are you doing? 151 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:47,880 Just having a nose. 152 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,920 Trying to fill my eyes with anything that isn't a driftwood affirmation. 153 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,230 Oh, God, that's creepy. 154 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:58,270 Do you think there are others in this range? 155 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,070 What, like, you've scraped a pass? 156 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,110 Oh, I love these! 157 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,350 - What are you doing? - I had one of these then I was little. 158 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,510 But that's her dad! 159 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:09,870 Huh? 160 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,070 That was her dead dad's face. 161 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:13,670 - Her dead dad? - Yes. 162 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,950 It was an impression of his face, like a death mask. 163 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,510 What do you mean? How do you know that? 164 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,670 Because they had it like that since he died. 165 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,030 Well, that's stupid... What are we going to do, Liz? 166 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,110 What are we going to do? 167 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,750 We have just replaced her dead dad's face with your fist. 168 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,670 We've got to fix it. What are we going to do, Liz? 169 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,630 Just, like, put your face in it. 170 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,990 I don't look anything like her dead dad. 171 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,080 You do a bit. 172 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,550 Scrape your hair back. 173 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,470 And put some glasses on, he was a specs wearer. 174 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:38,990 I don't have my glasses with me. 175 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,240 I've got some of Charlie's. Hang on. 176 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:44,640 Give them to me. 177 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,720 You hold this. God! 178 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:51,160 Oh! 179 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:56,910 What are you doing? 180 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,640 Just... trying to get a better view of your garden. 181 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,230 - Oh. - Is that a little cat grave? 182 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,640 No. No, it's just a... a raised flower bed. 183 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,080 The foxes dug up the cat grave. 184 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,160 - Hello, Kevin. - Amanda! 185 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,270 - Are you lost? - No, I was just passing. 186 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:32,310 - Can I...? - Of course. 187 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:36,400 - Yes? - Oh, watch your clean shoes on the dirty doormat. 188 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,670 I wondered if you wouldn't mind keeping quiet about 189 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,670 seeing me at Dr Guldaguin's today. 190 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:48,350 Oh, so you did see me, then. 191 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,760 Of course I saw you, Kevin. You saw I saw you. 192 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:52,880 Oh, right, yeah. 193 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:54,960 But then why...? 194 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,470 Oh, yes, of course. Yes. 195 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,830 Yeah, it's just that I'm, you know, er... 196 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,670 I don't know what the word is, kind of... high profile. Like, locally. 197 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,230 Which is nuts, of course, 198 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:08,580 because I'm actually a private person, very discreet person and... 199 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,510 .. also the type of person that people have 200 00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:13,750 an unhealthy interest in. You know, like... 201 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,390 Nigella or Charday. 202 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,430 No, of course, it's going no further. 203 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:20,960 Jonny has huge jealousy issues. 204 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,150 You know, on the one hand he loves having an eye-catching wife 205 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,400 but he cannot deal with the attention I get. 206 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,200 - Mm-hm. - And the problem is... 207 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,470 .. I bring it, every day. 208 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:37,110 I bring it, I never let myself down, I always look my best and... 209 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,990 Johnny, of course, is like, "Oh, who are you doing that for?" 210 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,190 And... 211 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:43,830 I'm like... 212 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,510 (Well, I'm doing it for me.) 213 00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:46,830 Hey, hey. 214 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,120 Come on now. 215 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:50,150 Erm... 216 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,310 Johnny's... 217 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:53,200 Johnny's a very lucky guy. 218 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,990 And every marriage has its issues. 219 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,950 I just found out in counselling that my wife finds me 220 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:03,390 less sexually attractive since I've become a househusband. 221 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:06,350 - She thinks I'm emasculated... - Kevin, I can't take on your shit right now. 222 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,720 No, yes, sorry. Of course. Sorry. 223 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:11,920 Well... 224 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:14,280 .. you can talk to me any time. 225 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,190 My door is always open, 226 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,400 and my mouth is always closed. 227 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,950 I'm sorry, I don't feel comfortable with you touching me like that. 228 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,070 Said my wife. 229 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,430 Did Charlie leave his scooter here? 230 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,190 - He doesn't have a scooter. - Yeah, he does. 231 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,590 He found one in the park, so he has a scooter. 232 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:50,870 Well, it's not here. 233 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,430 Shit. 234 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:53,780 I bet someone's nicked it. 235 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,580 Where's Debbie Does Dallas? 236 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,830 It's Debbie-Louise, and she's at work. 237 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,110 Where's all the kids' stuff? 238 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:05,190 - What? - Where's all the toys and mess and kiddie crap? 239 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,150 I don't know, in their rooms? 240 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,070 What's with all the cushions? 241 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,270 - I like cushions. - Since fucking when? 242 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,990 You can't get angry at cushions, Liz. 243 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,550 You know, you can't have strong feelings against something 244 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,910 that's designed to make your back feel more comfortable. 245 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,190 How is that not broken? 246 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,190 How can Charlie play in here with that? 247 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,430 And what's this shit? 248 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:24,590 I don't know. 249 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,070 It's potpourri! 250 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,110 There's just bowls of potp-fucking-rri everywhere. 251 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,230 She's turning our house into a nursing home. 252 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,720 Yeah, well, it's my house. 253 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,870 She can't just erase all evidence of our kids. 254 00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:39,190 I want to meet this woman. 255 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,030 You set something up or I... 256 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,200 I swear I'll... 257 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:48,830 What's wrong with potpourri? 258 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:49,910 I rather like potpourri. 259 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,630 It's not the potpourri, it's the principle behind the potpourri. 260 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,870 What, you don't agree with perfumed bark? 261 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:56,910 No, it... 262 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,390 Look, I don't want my kids brought up around it. 263 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,470 Oh, there's Anne. Anne! Hi. 264 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,590 Come and sit down. Oh, there's no chair. 265 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:04,840 I'll get you a stool. 266 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,630 I wouldn't write off all potpourri, there's some lovely blends. 267 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,320 Especially at Christmas. 268 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,920 Oh, there's Amanda. Can we put a pin in this for a minute? 269 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,990 What's going on with you two? 270 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:34,190 Oh, I'm just helping Amanda work through something at the moment. 271 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:35,870 Since when? 272 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,160 It's private. I can't. 273 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:43,950 You know what, I need a drink. 274 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,790 Let's go to the pub tonight, get pissed. 275 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,710 Forget about everything for a minute. 276 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,270 Oh, no, you two go ahead. 277 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:50,710 No, I'm burnt out by eight. 278 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:51,910 Can't make it to Holby City. 279 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,870 I don't do anything evening-based. 280 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:55,430 What, you never go out in the evening? 281 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,070 Oh, yeah, I do, I just don't... I don't do mum stuff in the evening. 282 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,470 - Mum stuff?! - No, I just... 283 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,600 Oh, you... You know what I meant. 284 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:04,920 Anne, hi. 285 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:07,960 Aw, hi, Anne. 286 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:12,430 Off to meet Liz, then. 287 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:13,510 Won't be a late one. 288 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:19,560 Hi, Amanda. 289 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,640 Yes, I can talk. 290 00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:26,360 You all right, Amanda? I can't really make out what you're... 291 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,350 Are you crying or laughing? 292 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,440 I can't... 293 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:33,760 I'm coming over. 294 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,230 You can sit down, Kevin. 295 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,830 No, I'm fine standing. 296 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,390 It's like Churchill with the Queen. 297 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:44,270 You haven't said anything to Anne, have you? 298 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,950 Oh, no. God, no. 299 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,110 Jesus, no. 300 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,200 OK. 301 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:51,680 I'm just feeling a bit... 302 00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:55,110 It's just that... 303 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,190 Johnny is on these rampages. 304 00:13:58,240 --> 00:13:59,990 His jealousy, 305 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,990 it just flares up sometimes. 306 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,200 Well, look, I mean... 307 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,870 .. we all have our little blips. 308 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:08,070 Ever since this thing with Bobby he's been like this. 309 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,070 Well, as I said, 310 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:11,420 marriage is a very, erm... 311 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,000 Sorry, who's Bobby? 312 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:19,560 Well, he... 313 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,390 I feel like I can trust you with this information, Kevin. 314 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,560 Of course. 315 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,830 Johnny wanted to take control of his jealousy. 316 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:30,550 The thing is he's... 317 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:31,880 very complicated. 318 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:34,310 He's horribly jealous, 319 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,910 but at the same time he enjoys watching me with another man. 320 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,390 Of course. 321 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:40,750 Wha... What? 322 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,800 So... Bobby is someone we invited into our relationship. 323 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:46,680 On a monthly basis. 324 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,550 He's a squaddie. 325 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,280 He drives up from Aldershot. 326 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,230 And that's all I know about him. 327 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:56,480 Mmm. 328 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,320 Aldershot. Erm... 329 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,040 My mum lives in Fleet, which is very near Aldershot. 330 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,750 Tip for that neck of the woods, erm, 331 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,510 there's a great tandoori, erm, 332 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:17,110 second to naan! 333 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,310 Oh, goodness! It's fine. It's... It's... It's fine. 334 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:21,510 - I'm so sorry. - It's fine. 335 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:22,670 Don't worry, just leave it. 336 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,550 It's fine... Kevin... 337 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,790 Er... You know, erm, look... Look... Look... 338 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,960 Many couples have, erm... 339 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:32,350 I think. 340 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,830 Who am I? Erm... I mean, you look at... 341 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,870 Many... Many marriages... 342 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,450 Many couples... 343 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,040 Ow! Er... 344 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:42,830 I mean, the conventional... 345 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,110 I mean... Who hasn't? 346 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:46,200 Erm... 347 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:48,550 What is a marriage? 348 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,030 What is normal? 349 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,630 There isn't any... Ow! Ow! 350 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:52,980 There isn't any normal... 351 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:54,060 Oh, my God. 352 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:56,870 - It's Johnny. Er... - Oh. 353 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,070 Kevin, would you mind just stepping into the garden? 354 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,950 - What? Surely there's no... - No, no, no, it's totally fine, but just... 355 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,830 Would you? If you'd just step into the garden, 356 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,230 - it'd be so much easier for me. - Oh... Oh, OK. 357 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:17,270 - Hey, honey. - Hey. How come you're back so early? 358 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:20,110 Really? I do live here, you know! 359 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,510 Is it such a bad thing for me to come home? 360 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,430 - Johnny, what's wrong? - Well, I come home, 361 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,710 you're not pleased to see me, there's no kiss... 362 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,950 - What are you talking about? - What about normal couples? 363 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,350 I just said how come you're back so early? That's all I said. 364 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,870 What's wrong with you? I can't keep doing this... 365 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,270 - You can't keep doing this? You're exhausted? - What is up with you? 366 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,030 I'm going outside for a cigarette. 367 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,190 What? 368 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:42,840 I'm having a cigarette. 369 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:44,950 Johnny, why are you smoking? 370 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,870 I'm smoking, because from the moment I walk in the door 371 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,910 you're busting my balls. Do we not have a lighter in this house? 372 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,640 - Oh, God! - 15,000 candles, and not one lighter! 373 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:36,350 Let me get the first round in. 374 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,720 No, no, no, let me get them. 375 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,070 OK, I'll have a Cava, 376 00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:42,830 and then I'll get the next one. 377 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,230 Oh, well, let's see how we feel. 378 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,350 I mean... 379 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,030 we may find that we're fully quenched after this one. 380 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,670 I'll just get a seat. 381 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:50,830 Liz! 382 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,590 I thought you didn't do mum stuff at night. 383 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,510 No, this is... 384 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:57,390 this is strictly carpool business. 385 00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:58,910 Kev! 386 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,080 Over here. 387 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:02,710 I got you a drink. 388 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:03,800 OK. 389 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,680 - Yes, please, another. - Are you all right, Kevin? 390 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,360 What happened to your jeans? 391 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:25,840 I was just climbing. 392 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,670 Claire's in the house! 393 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,720 Oh! The gang's all here. 394 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:42,790 God, I love Cava. 395 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,270 It's a terrific alternative. 396 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,230 I actually think it's nicer than champagne. 397 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,190 So do I, I love it. 398 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:52,230 Yeah. I don't like to drink Cava around my husband though. 399 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,470 He had to cut it out. 400 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,020 He hasn't had a drop since our son's christening... 401 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,470 .. which is difficult, because he really loved Cava. 402 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,550 And his father loved Cava also. 403 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:06,910 His father would drink two to three bottles of Cava a day, at his worst. 404 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,070 Which was sad, 405 00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:10,800 but it also meant he was very easy to buy presents for. 406 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,520 - Do you like Cava, Liz? - No. 407 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,560 - Jesus Christ! - What's going on? 408 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,590 - Nothing's going on. - Yes, there is. 409 00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:38,920 What's going on, Kevin? 410 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,790 I'm just dealing with some very personal stuff right now 411 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,240 that isn't even my personal stuff, and it's just... 412 00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:48,390 It's too complicated, Liz, I can't talk about it. 413 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,960 Great, I'll just be ignored by you AND Julia then. 414 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,520 I'm in here! 415 00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:58,550 Last orders! 416 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,310 I'd better make a move. I have had such a fun evening. 417 00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:03,150 Can we just have a chat about carpool? 418 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,230 Or back to mine for the after party? 419 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,670 - I'm afraid I can't. - I can't either. 420 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,880 I can, actually! I'm afraid I can. 421 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,600 - Liz? - No, thank you! 422 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,110 Right. 423 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:24,560 Oi! 424 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,200 Have you found the scooter? 425 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,120 OK, let's get some tunes going. 426 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,750 Shhh! Eh! My husband's got an early shift, OK? 427 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,390 But let's get this after party started. 428 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,670 I can just stay for one, Anne. Anne, I'm just staying for one! 429 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,750 God, this is my worst nightmare come true. 430 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,790 I'm surrounded by mums at night. 431 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:06,590 I could just about handle it on the school drop, but this... 432 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,280 - Amanda. - Hi. 433 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,670 I'm sorry, I'm in my dressing gown! 434 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,950 Well, we're on the phone, so it doesn't really... 435 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,760 Have you got time for a chat? 436 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,190 Well, I'm not a little party at Anne's. 437 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:31,870 - It's a bit... - What? Anne didn't mention a party. 438 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:35,190 That's because it's just a little impromptu after party. 439 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,150 Anne is having an after party? 440 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:39,360 Pate? 441 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,510 I made it myself. It's so simple. 442 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,710 You just whizz up a liver, any old liver, 443 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,520 and then throw in a dash of Tabasco. 444 00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,310 Now, where's our Cava? 445 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,360 I think I have a nice one up behind Daddy. 446 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,870 Pfft! This one, though. 447 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,560 Ah! 448 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,030 My phone was off, so I must have missed your call 449 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:18,950 that you're having a party. 450 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,640 Yeah, well, it's an after party. 451 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,270 And the whole deal with an after party 452 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,720 is that you have to have been at the party before. 453 00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:29,870 But you mustn't have heard your phone when I called. 454 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,040 Sorry about that, Anne! 455 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,440 For fuck's sake! 456 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,030 You left your jacket in my kitchen, and Johnny found it, 457 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,670 and he has completely lost it. 458 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,000 What?! 459 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,920 How did he know it was my jacket? 460 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,040 Your name is stitched in it, Kevin. 461 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:23,680 Shit! 462 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,760 Shit, shit, shit! 463 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:32,160 Shit! 464 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,750 What a great night. Thanks, Anne. 465 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:40,670 God, I just really need to switch off from work and kids 466 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,590 and school, and carpools. 467 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:46,070 Any decision on the carpool? Would just really help me out. 468 00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:48,200 God, yeah, sorry! I gave the spot to Claire. 469 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,830 - What? - Yeah, I gave a spot to Claire, that's why we were out for a drink. 470 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:56,070 Oh, right! It's just that's also why I was out for a drink. 471 00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:59,150 Oh, I thought... I mean... 472 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,350 I thought you just wanted to go out for the fun of it. 473 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,750 Come on, Anne! I was very, very specifically there 474 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,070 to talk about carpool, and do you know what's more? 475 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,150 You knew that, Anne, 476 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,430 so you've actually just been stringing me along. 477 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:13,270 You're a real carpool tease. 478 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:16,200 Not cool, Anne! Not cool at all. 479 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,400 Cheers, Anne. 480 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,230 - That was rude. - What? 481 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,670 - I'm not a fan of Anne, but come on. - Yeah, well, I'm tired. 482 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,270 No, no, you're on the make the whole time, Julia. 483 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,190 The only reason you're here tonight is because you wanted something. 484 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,950 - No! Well, yeah... - Are we even friends? 485 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,430 - What? - Are we friends? - Of course we're friends! 486 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,030 I see you every day. 487 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,350 I see more of you than I see some of my bridesmaids. 488 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,470 Yeah, but you never ask me to do anything with you. 489 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,630 - That's not true. - I'm your day friend, Julia. 490 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,750 Not an evening friend. I'm a mum friend. 491 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:50,510 I'm a convenience. 492 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,310 I asked you to come for a drink tonight because I needed to talk 493 00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:54,870 with a fucking mate, and instead, 494 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,520 you chose to hang out with an emotional storm drain. 495 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,790 I'm an emotional storm drain? 496 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,630 - No. - Shit. 497 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,070 Does anyone like me? 498 00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:06,990 Yes. People like you. 499 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,070 I like you. Liz... 500 00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:10,510 Amanda likes you. 501 00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:11,990 Amanda doesn't like me. 502 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:13,710 She doesn't give a flying poo about me. 503 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,310 She just wants people around her who can kiss her arse. 504 00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,960 And I've kissed every square inch of that flat arse. 505 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,830 Anne, you're drunk, and you're embarrassing yourself. 506 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,440 If I were you, I'd take myself to bed and sleep it off. 507 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,670 I may be drunk, but at least I know how to unclench my flipping bum hole 508 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,070 and have a good time! 509 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:38,750 Did you just push me? 510 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,870 - No. - How dare you? 511 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,910 - OK, let's not get violent. - After everything I've done for you. 512 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,790 You started this. 513 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,310 After everything I've done for you! 514 00:25:56,360 --> 00:25:58,990 I was your friend when no-one was your friend! 515 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,760 Amanda's having threesomes with a squaddie! 516 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,390 Right, well, I can't top that, so I'm off. 517 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,350 - Thanks for a great evening, Anne. - Do you want to share a taxi, or...?